Tips from Tubby

25 X 19 = 475

Today I checked my personal email! A momentous occasion for me because I have a work email address that I must check several times each day; which is also handily delivered to my blackberry. But today was the day that I chose to check my personal email. Most anybody that knows me uses my work email if they need to send me anything, mainly because they know I check that one.

My inbox counter said that there were 493 new messages. I sorted them by ‘sender’ and quickly selected the ones that I wanted to save or respond to – that was a total of 18! Out of nearly 500 email messages fewer than 4% were ones that I felt were relevant. Put another way, my inbox was 96% clutter.

I wonder what other parts of my life are filled with this much clutter? What can I do to reduce or eliminate it? Are the meetings I go to ‘clutter’? Are the few shows I watch on TV clutter? Where else can I ‘delete’ clutter, leaving more time and energy to focus on the things I want to do?

BE THAT GUY OR (GIRL)!

I have no doubt that by now you’ve heard the expression “don’t be THAT guy.” It’s a catchy phrase that is used in a friendly way to tell someone when they are being a bad person, friend, neighbor, etc. As an expression I give it a 5. It serves a purpose and can be kind of funny at times. But it’s very negative. I’ve learned that negative words don’t usually lend themselves to positive results.

So, it got me to thinking … why not change the expression to “Be that guy (or girl).” When the mind is focused on something there is an increased chance that it will happen … so why not “be that guy!”

Be that guy … that puts your friends and family first.

Be that guy … that gives 100% to everything that you do.

Be that guy … that cares about others.

Be that guy … that everyday strives to make the world a better place.

Be that guy … that sees the best in everyone and the best in every situation.

I’m going to try to be that guy! Have a blessed week and GO PATRIOTS!

FINISH

One of the hardest things that I have had to accept as a father is the fact that my kids don’t listen to me. They hear me just fine … they just choose not to heed my advice. Grudgingly, I’ve come to accept this as a fact of life. Kids just don’t want to listen to their parents.

At first I was angry with them for not accepting my pearls of wisdom and learning from the errors of my ways. Then I became angry with myself for not being a better communicator; one who could break the generation gap and crack through their concrete skulls. But after speaking with several dads in my neighborhood; and at my kids’ activities, it was apparent that my title (‘Dad’) is the cause of my consternation.

There wasn’t a lot of comfort in finding out that it’s a normal occurrence. And to some degree it irritates me even more when, for example, I take my son to a pitching lesson or hitting camp and pay someone else to give him the same instruction that I can, and have, given him. BUT HE LISTENS TO THEM! I guess that is money well spent?

But, as I sit here today, I realize that most of the time I don’t even listen to my own advice! If anybody should listen to me … shouldn’t it be me? I’m a pretty accomplished guy … I’ve got two degrees, nearly twenty years of professional experience, fourteen years under my belt as a dad and seventeen years of marriage. There must be tons of wisdom swimming around in my noggin. So my commitment to myself is that I am going to heed my own advice and it begins today!

My son loves playing sports – basketball, football and baseball. And I spend a lot of time working with Conner on his motions – shooting, throwing and swinging. And the best advice that I have ever given him was to “finish” … which has since been reiterated by several coaches whom I have paid hundreds of dollars to (okay, I am still a litter bitter). Following through or “finishing” is key to success whether you are swinging a bat, throwing a football or launching your next BIG IDEA!

My advice to myself (and to you) is to “FINISH!”

Wake-Up Call

I don't remember the exact day, in fact it actually happened over two days, but I do know that it was in July of 2011 when I received my wake-up call. The wake-up call came from my regional manager, shortly after I had been told that I was not selected to back-fill my boss (who had transferred to a different position within the company). And it came in the form of two face to face meetings.

The background: I had been told that I was the "preferred candidate" for the position I thought that I wanted. Being with the company for over thirteen years, history had taught me that the "preferred candidate" was the person selected ninety-nine out of one hundred times. My regional manager said that it would be tough and that there were other candidates; so “it’s not a done deal yet, but you are my preferred candidate.”

As it turned out, the company decided to go with someone with “more experience”. I assumed more experience meant five more years with the company, several different management positions in different divisions, etc. In this case “more experience” means two more years with the company, no MBA, no experience in our division and only one previous management job (supervising one person).

I was not just bitter, quite frankly, I was mad as hell. So I met with my regional manager to discuss what had happened and why. We met for about half an hour and he highlighted the merits of the selected person – his enthusiasm and his “experience.” I, of course, defended my position – eight different positions in the company over thirteen years, five years of retail experience in the same industry, MBA, etc. The regional manager finally told me “Warren, I didn’t have a choice, this was Detroit’s decision. And besides, {our company} doesn’t promote within the same region and have you supervise your previous peers; it just doesn’t happen” For a split second it made me feel better, but it faded quickly because I figured out who was back-filling my new boss in his old position. It was his direct report. Ah, so the company does allow you to back-fill your supervisor, it just depends on which region you work in and who you know.

In a separate meeting with my regional manager, as we were discussing some of our franchisees and how some of them had tremendous entrepreneurial spirit and others didn’t. The regional manager actually said, and I paraphrase, “he’s like guys like us, who are happy and secure collecting a good paycheck and putting in their twenty-five or thirty years, you do a good job and live a good life. That's how our company breeds them.”

WOW! It didn’t hit me at first. But wow! I kept hitting the snooze button for a few months after this meeting, but now I realized that my regional manager thought (or at least was projecting his feelings on me) that I was not entrepreneurial, not creative, not willing to take a risk … not going anywhere?

If I have given him the impression that I don’t want more, that I don’t want to grow, that I don’t want to prosper … then shame on me. If I’ve allowed this to be how my life has played out … then shame on me.

I will not settle for this ... stay tuned!

Dad, are you ready?

This is a phrase that I heard a lot over the Christmas break and it didn't seem to matter where we were. At home – Dad, are you ready to play football? Dad, are you ready to paint my room? Dad, are you ready to assemble my Christmas presents? Dad, are you ready to go to Sea World? Dad, are you ready to take me to practice? Dad, are you ready to go to Dave & Busters? Dad, are you ready to go to Lowe’s? Dad, are you ready to go to the movies? Dad, are you ready to go to the Bailey’s? Dad, are you ready to go home?

The above examples are all great things and I enjoyed doing all (well, most) of them very much. But it seemed like I would walk into a room and someone would inevitably say "Dad, are you ready …?" It was honestly quit annoying. It was as if I weren't sleeping then I was being pulled in yet another direction. And, I vividly remember lying in bed one morning and having a kid holding a football in his arm standing over me asking “Dad, are you ready to play catch?” It was Christmas break (my company shuts down for the last week of the year) and I hadn't seemed to get a moment of rest yet.

When I did finally have a few moments to myself and could reflect on 2011 ... the ups and down, the trials and tribulations, the good and the bad, what goals I had accomplished and what goals I hadn’t ... I began to ponder how else and who else had heard those words over this past year ... "Are you ready?"

And instantly the image of my mom and her final moments here on earth came into my head. She died in September of last year and because she passed so suddenly I wasn’t able to be with her. But as she was lying in her hospital bed with her husband, her sister and her sons by her side; I am able to imagine what her final earthly conversation with God may have been like. I picture mom scanning the room through the slots in her eyelids and being warmed and comforted by the sight of her loved ones all around her. As she is taking in this moment I know that she is having a telepathic or spiritual conversation with God and he is asking her “Claire, are you ready?” Her answer to Him was of course, “Yes Lord, I am ready.”

After this reflection I realized that one of the most beautiful phrases that I have ever heard or hope to ever hear is "Are you ready?" I realize now that those are words of love and inclusion. Whether they are from a family member, a friend or my Lord those are words that I look forward to hearing. Have a great and blessed day!