DiaLogos
DiaLogosPublished on: 05.02.2012
iWrite
I wish the innocent letters come together as beautiful words and so gather to pass like a current of my unexpressed emotions through these snippets of daily life and short tales of fiction.The Butter
17 January 2012 11:33:45
Man is obsessed with the sole desire to control others. He thinks.. the best he could do it is with wealth and the second best is an emotional trap.Note: When I generalise things, they are more about myself.
Kins, Friends, Foes and Books
17 January 2012 11:32:22
If I say something, don't believe me till I repeat it for 5 times. I pass some stupid statements even before they form their shape in me. I am always in hurry.. always. I said I'd write at-least once in a month and I hid myself for several months. By the way, 5 doesn't have any significance, it's just a random number below 10.The point is.. these days.. it is very difficult to think of anything new. Every thought is already thought by a better thinker and a better analysis is made ready. So all one can do is to analyse that analysis and dare not to think more. Hmm..even if one is allowed to think, there is no real value one can add to that initial one. Initial thinkers get too shrewd. It probably gives them the feeling of ruling the world. They leave no place for others. Leaving these irrelevant talk for some other post, let me come back to my usual gossip about home, friends, colleagues and books.I always wondered in the latter half of my hostel life, why I had been so attached to home. Now I remember everything I missed. Home is a heaven. All the day, when you are either bugged by a bugger or chased by your manager or irritated by some fool you want to ignore, your mom at home will do some magic that you'll forget everything and everyone. Happy and feeling lucky to live with my parents. I wish my sister is also with us. Emotional tone doesn't suit me. Let me stop here.Hadn't met Nashi till last Saturday. Sowmya arranged a get-together at Lamakaan. "Lamakaan" in short is a gifted house for artists and no-artists. Nashi and me thanked Sowmy so much for having shown us this place. We did some stupid thing too in excitement which will not be revealed for now. Last month, I met my best friend, Bhavani. She hasn't changed at all. She might have been improved inwardly but her behaviour and her treatment of me is exactly same as it was six years ago. It didn't occur to me that we hadn't seen each other for so long. May be that is why I call her my best friend.Office has become loathsome. I have seen through almost everybody. Some people suddenly become insolent though I don't recall any incident which could have evoked these feelings in them. People just kill each other to show off the little work they have done and nullify the others'. Seriously, some people guide me how to reply to their mail and forcibly make me take their dictation in their favour though I rarely submit. I started disliking Sreeram also. He is not the one but there are some real scoundrels of whom I'm worried about. They wouldn't even let me ignore them and disturb me until I loose my patience and say something they deserve.I am reading "The possessed" by Dostoevsky. The same is also named as The Demons in some nations. It is a profound satire against the intellectuals who induce the seeds of revolt into ordinary people and drive them crazy for their own benefit. Dostoevsky has the special skill of mixing an ordinary story with most interesting dramatic elements. Praveen, thank you so much for the book. Tell me what do you want in exchange?
The Reading Effect
12 December 2011 04:02:15
Till now, most of what I have written here is trash, just nothing but decorated trash. You see, it was not my mistake alone but mainly the bad influence of the good books I read. Every time, I was amused with anything I read, I tried to chisel my writing in the same way. I tried to imitate every fine curve I came across. I chiseled it so badly for all those fineries, soon it was all broken in its meaning and effect. There was nothing left but words.Here comes the help from my recently read two stories(Poor Folk & White Nights). These stories influenced me to enjoy what I read but not to get influenced and move away from my objective. Never it is explicitly said in these stories but I understood everything as if it is all written out clearly. This idea was constantly nagging my mind apart from the story and it's characters. By the end, I felt like I certainly could write something worth, something original, something I feel, if only I put half the effort I take in decorations to capture my own absurd thoughts. It is as simple as talking to yourself if only your are not ashamed of what you think. Never it has happened before. All the books I read implicitly made me feel low for their unattainable richness and that I can be no where near to being a writer.I can write, what I'll never dare to say for my useless pride. I can ask all those questions I held back out of fear. If I write for someone else, I can show that I'm with them and I know what they are going through. I will not do it to help anybody but for myself because I love to wander there in those mysterious thoughts of man. I love to sit with him in that corner and watch his tears as they roll down. I love to make fun of him when he mis-handles things out of excited happiness. And I would love to unfold his secrets when he is being shrewd. I just like to sit and watch him in detail. Man is such an amazing creation. One can never be contented in studying 'The Man'. Now I am confidant that I can write volumes as I study him through.Along with these stories, I've got some feedback from my friends.Ravi says my blog is the worst of its kind. He even questions me why I elaborate so much on my negative side. He says that I am not even half bad of what I presented myself here as. For this, I don't know whether to scorn or smile. Doesn't he really understand me? Or is he right in saying that I'm trying to be someone else? Even Chichikov says that I only remember and write about the fights we had and will forget about the good moments to be cherished. With their suggestion, I shall write less about my insanity and shall not scare away my blog's first time visitors.
Dreadful young kids!
02 November 2011 00:20:17
Isn't it just few days ago that I have come to this place as the youngest person. And now! All elder people have either disappeared or busied themselves in world tours. Everyone around looks unpardonably younger to me. I wish I could curse these kids gray hairs and dry skin next time when they look at me piteously. They put on airs without effort. One smiles at me sarcastically because one could finish the work in a day which I have scheduled for a week. Another treats me a fool because he could read 'anything and everything' whereas I was stuck with Dostoevsky. One carries around a superior feeling for one thinks though I am aged, my manners aren't greatly improved. Well, I've calculated the 'few days' as 5*365 + 3*30 days.
My best friend's wedding
01 November 2011 10:31:19
On 30th April, my father got through a surgery for the road accident he had on 24th April. The same day, my best friend and my best friend's best friend called me to invite me for their long awaited wedding on 28th May. I congratulated both of them and was happy. Years ago, I thought my happiness for this occasion was impossible. Over the time, I realized that there is a mysterious equation which turns your foes to friends and friends to foes and you know not when.3D, Chaitu and I attended the wedding. 3D and Chaitu left early because of their personal engagements. So I had to join them either at Rajahmundry or at Eluru on our return journey. During the wedding, I was honored with the privilege to do what I want to do at my friend's wedding as if I was one in their family. I didn't want to misuse this honor so I left with my best friend's family when they saw her off at her in-law's place.I wanted to spend the remaining time I had before joining 3D in the old way. I had a walk about Godavari ghats to search for a hideout where I could sit and philosophize my life while enjoying the view of lively water which was shy and calm a moment and was shocked and splattered by a speed boat in another moment. My search was in vain. Before I could find a goofy place, I found a curious event where a bunch of people(of all ages) gathered and were rejoicing Annamayya sankeertanas on the occasion of his birthday. As I was no more a music lover, I continued my previous search. But then, I heard some meaningful words being uttered by a singer as a preface to an equally beautiful song. So I got in and listened to the full song. Surprisingly the same song was sung by five more artists both young and old.The first few lyrics of this song go like this.. Ekkadi maanusha janmambettina phalamemunnadi nikkamu ninne nammiti nee chittambikanu.Listen to it once, you'll listen to it thousand times. BTW, this song is not annamayya's sankeertana but his son's. It is one more beautiful question and elegant submission to God similar to the one in "Arziyan" from Delhi-6.
My geek hero
24 March 2011 11:56:30
I have fallen in love with Mike Scruggs for the way he understands an idea himself and makes others understand it in the same way and for his super confidence to dissect the problem and debug with complete accuracy and no assumptions. I wouldn't mind even if he calls me a fat head. I must have been really one if he calls me so. I am captivated by 'His Excellency'.
Ex-Friends
04 October 2010 13:01:36
Not the ones who'd say "I never thought of you so. let's be friends.", but the ones, who will join you for shopping, loafing, talking, not-talking, fighting, laughing, crying, partying and everything that is possible to share with or without your will. I have had some similar friends who would match with me at-least in one way of thought. I enjoyed to spend time with them because it gave me comfort and convinced me that I was still sane. Now, all of us are so changed that one would be surprised to think of any existence of slightest friendship between us based on our extra learning. Meant no offence. I have learnt nothing. I came back to zero and I'm starting afresh. So as you see yourself, friendship is impossible now. Let us part and be ex-friends. You can break up with me first, if it gives you any comfort. Forgive me. I started to think that friendship is no lesser myth than love.
Me? or You?
04 October 2010 12:00:04
The voluminous hatred for my boss is shifted to someone whom I treated like a favorite teacher. Every word he speaks irritates me. His presence itself disturbs me. But why? He had probably been the same from beginning. Then, why am I finding faults with him now? Why I had been blind before? Is he changed? or am I changed?
The Handsome Villains
15 June 2010 06:58:10
Ram and me are going on silent fight like school girls. Probably, he must have realized(thought) that I don't respect his intelligence like others do. But he is wrong, I really do. Ask Chichikov, how many times I wondered and felt jealous when he cracks a problem in 5 minutes on which I'd be working for 5 days. He belongs to the genius category. But I don't like him when he tries to humble himself 'acting' as an ordinary guy. I don't get how others can believe him when he does that. It is obviously not true. These days, we are being phony with each other. He never replies to my mails and doesn't share anything with me until asked even if it is very important for my work. I too stopped addressing my mails to him and he will just be one in the CC list. I am happy that, now I can officially report to Sreeram. I am digressing too much from the title. Let me get back. Today Ram trapped me into assisting our customers without asking me. He clearly knows how I dread meeting them. I was scared but I didn't have an handy excuse. I was counting minutes to meet the scariest people I had to work with. My only consolation is that the main villain, Ashok would not be here and I just have to meet his entourage.. Tushar who keeps pinging with questions you have never bothered before, Dave who is not a frequent questioner, but pops up once in a while in a sarcastic way and Anil who quakes the mail server ferociously. Ben came to drop me off at their office and we were waiting for Tushar in the reception area. I expected to see a middle aged person with his popped up tummy covered in his jacket. That is how I imagined him while reading his mails. I am surprised when a college dude in his T-shirt came and introduced himself as Tushar. I was shocked and couldn't hear what he was talking for about two minutes. I kept wondering if he is really the person who made my job pitiable to myself. He took me to Anil's office. I made a mistake again. The ferocious 'Anil' is very very attractive. He is accurately dark enough to be handsome and is with a perfect smile when he speaks. Suddenly Raj flashed on my mind. I was not ready to receive any more surprises. Tushar introduced me to Dave. I felt happy that atleast Dave is like how I expected him to be. Tall and strong. Once we got into the work, I observed that Dave is not really arrogant or sarcastic as he seems to be in his mails.. In-fact he is very meek and informative who tries to carry all the little details in his head. I was right about how he is.. but not what he is.I was surprised that they are achieving higher performance with our product than what we advertise. After visiting their office, I realized that hardware and software are like a married couple. One should complement the other like in a jig-saw tooth. Only then, both would be appreciated on the long run. I also realized that experience is just an excuse. Everyone has a different experience-O-meter. It should just be set to fast forward to see the wonders one can do. Whatever.. from now on, I'll be replying to these handsome villains with certain amount of "special" interest. :P I certainly want to get back the honor I lost. Statutory Note: Names are changed for confidential policies defined by home company and customers'.
Sasi
11 June 2010 01:21:22
Sasi died in an accident and I am not missing him at all, save the times when I talk to my friends and they remind me how he used to be. I forgot everything he did. I forgot how close he was to me. Now, I am feeling bad as I am not able to feel sorry for him and his family. I have become stone-like. I remember, I was very worried, when chichikov's friend, whom I never met died in a similar accident. Seems like, I have got into the common view of life. Out of sight, out of mind. or have I started accepting death as inevitable for others?Sasi was one of my closest friends in college. We played jolly many times and fought like kids and kept a "mirror on my side" when one of us is tired. He treats me like a sister and calls everyone he suspects to be in love with me or I am in love with as 'bava'. He gifted a magical pencil on my birthday to write what I wish. But I have never tried it. Last time, he spoke to me, he called me 'paakidaana' for not telling him something. I liked him very much when we were friends.Sorry Sasi. I cannot figure out what brought this distance. It would have been better if we preferred fighting to being out of touch.
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